My hubby and I have a long running joke about my “hatred” of fantasy. Even though I can’t get enough Harry Potter, Twilight, Smallville and all things Superman. Which is why, I can’t believe I’m about to quote Yoda to you. He was spot-on when he said: “Do or do not. There is no try.” I mean dude’s got a point. It totally 100% applies to self-grown, living with passion + your self-esteem. So today we’re digging into the truth about trying so you can rebuild trust with yourself and boost yourself self-esteem. In no time at all.

The truth about Trying

Think about it this way: you’re either in the process of doing something OR you’re thinking about doing something. Two VERY different things. For example: let’s say you fall off a dock into a lake. You wanna get back onto the dock and out of that water, pronto. When you’re TRYING to get back on the dock you’re frazzled, panicked, flailing about and most likely attempting the same get-outta-the-water-move over and over again with no luck. When you’re IN THE PROCESS OF getting back on dry land you’re cool, calm, collected. You’re paying attention to what works and what doesn’t and taking NEW actions based on the info coming your way.

See the difference? One is trying. One is doing. All the flailing in the world isn’t gonna get you outta that water OR help you reach your goals. Listen to Yoda and boost yo’ self-esteem. This difference matters big time, my friends. It’s a main ingredient for your self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth and over all confidence. Not to mention your ability to reach goals, live passionately and trust yo’self. There’s nothing wrong with thinking about doing something. At all. Not even a little bit. When you call thinking doing, you feel frustrated, stuck, not good enough and full of self-judgement, because  you’re SAYING you’re doing something when really, you’re not. There’s a disconnect. And it makes you not only feel bad about yourself, but also doubt that you can ever reach your goals. No bueno!

Instead choose words that describe what stage you are actually in. For example:

“I’m thinking about doing….”
“I’d like to learn more about _____ some day.”
“That’s in my 5 year plan but right now I’m focusing on ______ .”
“I’m not ready to tackle this yet.”
“I’d like _____ but right now, I’m not willing to put in the effort it’d take.”

All of these are honest, accurate and take into account both your want AND your action. So you know where you stand. Even if it’s on the sideline. When you mix up trying with being in the process of doing something you’ve taken your eye off the ball. You’re now focusing on what’s lacking + your missteps instead of what you’re learning from each step and how far you’ve come. Again, mislabeling in this way leaves you feeling bad about yourself. For no reason. Annoying! Choose words that describe what you are doing, what you are learning, and where you are in the process.

Like:

“I’m in the process of______”
“I’m finding a way to ______”
“I’ve learned ______ so far.”
“I’ve accomplished ______ so far.”
“I’m working through my blocks.”
“I’m journaling like crazy.”

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. You don’t have to be perfect to feel good about yourself. Self-esteem doesn’t come from the achievements it comes from the journey. So, acknowledge where you are, what you are doing and start building a trusting relationship with yo’self. It’s the quickest way to actually feeling better.

*This post was originally published on Caley’s website, Life Purpose Coaching. For more from Caley visit www.caleyphilipps.com.